so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
