if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize