we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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