sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
