3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
