just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
