took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
