He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
