I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize