I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Couch. On fire.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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