If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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