I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
