Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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