She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
