she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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