There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
