wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
