I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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