I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize