Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I looked at my own cervix.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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