I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
