The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
