that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Semen is not good for contacts.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
BRING THE BAGELS
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
