apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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