try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
