is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
