You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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