I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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