so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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