That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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