Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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