Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
