This is not my ceiling
if i can run in heels then i can drive
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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