I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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