I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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