It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
