Your dad touched me again.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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