There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
