Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
