i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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