There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
