And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
