Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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