chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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