i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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