Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
