I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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