I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
