just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
