I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
