i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
