dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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