question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
