You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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