i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize