Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize