is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
