That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
