You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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