I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
