well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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