They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
