You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
