Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
