I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
BRING THE BAGELS
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize