highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
this just has baby written all over it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
